the universe is on your side

daisy

When crazy life things happen or catastrophes or emergency situations or what look like endings happen, there’s often a wise, collected, calm individual that may not have the answer but somehow they know deep down— the universe is on her side

If you know me, then you know I am not always that person. (You should have seen me when my firstborn needed stitches the first time.) I can string the times I have been together and they collectively point to the same truths: trust yourself, trust those around you who love you, trust in the inherent goodness of people, trust that the God/ The Universe has in mind your best interest. Heck! I even have the word “trust” tattooed on me. (It’s also my least favorite tattoo but that’s not the point here.)

When we moved to Bellingham, I was the calm individual. (Ty was too of course, but he kind of always is.) We’d never even visited this place and had originally we were planning for Seattle and then a connection we made was highlighted, as the universe does, just a few hours north of Seattle. I google earthed it and saw that the town sat on the bay and was pretty much sold. I kept perusing the internet and learned of “Bellinghamsters” and living out in the “county” (instead of country?) and WWU and the population size — an eighth of Seattle’s — and I kind of fell in love, like an internet crush or something. What might've been fear of the unknown turned calm and excitement for what could be.

Getting everything we own, our almost two-year-old and my 7-month pregnant self was more than tricky, especially on a tight budget; yet I’m keen on the idea that all great life moves start out that way. Also true of great life moves, not everything goes swimmingly the second you land or move in or sign the lease or buy the house.  Maybe just the idea of “greatness” though holds within it that nuance. Everything may not go seamlessly from day one but it’s because of that very hardship that this becomes great. That’s a hard pill to swallow. 

A few weeks into late spring, those early days of May, almost a month after we moved Tyler told me what I had suspected, the job we planned for was delayed... maybe the whole summer. Here I was now eight months pregnant, we’ve just spent our savings moving here, everything feels so right, but now I’m hearing that in one month we will turn in our first and last rent payment because, well, we didn’t have any more to give. Here was one of those life moments begging for calm but presenting as disaster. Without force, I chose quickly not to get wrapped up in the worry and big scary emotions. I mean, we just moved cross country, we’re about to have a baby, we stumbled upon the perfect house in the perfect neighborhood no way somethings causes us to say “Just kidding!” and we pack up. Calm.

I read this quote yesterday:

“Worry does not empty tomorrow of sorrow, it empties today of strength.” - Corrie ten boom

And that's exactly what I’ve been learning on this adventure.