"...but I don't know who I am!" I protested as I was frustratingly trying to explain why I didn't want to spend time with current friends and reach out to new ones.
The statement just flew out of my mouth. I had no idea that's how I felt at the time. That week had been pretty redundant. Tyler was off most nights and I didn't really want to plan anything with friends. I'd rather stay home with the two that I knew loved and accepted me no matter what. But Tyler was getting a little suffocated and needed social interaction. Which is rather funny because when we first got married it was the opposite.
I didn't want to be around friends I knew because I didn't feel like me. Pre-baby I felt confident and secure like I was on the verge of understanding the daily stuff in life and post-baby has been more like "Help! I don't know anything!!"
I wasn't feeling confident in who I am, I still don't fully.
Being a mom (especially having been a mom for only a few months) needs to merge with our dreams and passions and especially our personality. My trouble is my tendency to have an "either-or" mentality. I either had to be fully mom or I could be super social influencer Felicia. I was suppressing my outgoing side because I didn't feel confident anymore. Funny thing is I'm the most filled-up, refreshed and me when I am surrounded by friends.
All this being said, in the past weeks I've chosen to attend a birthday party, have dinner with friends, start a moms group and catch up with some forever-friends. Previous to that we had some dear friends Tyler has known for years visit from Washington. In choosing to be intentional in relationship I feel more alive and more me.
I'm still learning, and we're all still learning who we are. During massive life changes it's all too easy to shut down and hide out. Yet these are the times we need to pursue relationships the most in order to stay encouraged, refreshed and overall joyful.