Heart of Stone
Nov. 1 2010
We started off this week with intercession for Haiti which was so powerful. Interceding for the people of Haiti, speaking life and joy over the country. It also touched my heart because a few of my close friends from home (Lauren Ellis, Nikki Pendergrass, and Leslie Watson) just returned from doing a missions trip there!
This week's theme was discipleship, and what it truly means. It's sort of one of those topics that we hear about all the time but this week I've grasped a better heart-understanding.
"..If anyone wants to come with me, he must deny himself, take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life because of me will find it." Matthew 22:34-40
On Tuesday we had the wonderful Simon Turner as a guest speaker at Seek My Face [every Tuesday night we have a time where we soak and seek more intimacy with the Father]. He led us through the Lords Prayer verse by verse, showing us how to customize it to our lives and praying to the Father.
That night the Lord was downloading a lot of vision for the future. He was highlighting so many instances since I've been here in Iceland that I had shrugged off as coincidence or maybe not even noticed at all and he opened my eyes just to see the obvious. He has been knitting my life together so intricately and he was just giving me a glimpse of the things he has in store for me on the road ahead. I was so excited yet a little frustrated. We all have these ideas of how are life may play out, dreams we have for the future and the people we plan to spend it with. It was a little bittersweet because the glimpse God was giving me wasn't what I had in mind. I was essentially doubting God had the best in mind for me. I spent some quiet time with the Lord that night and he continued to highlight the lack of trust I had in him. Which all stems from my lack of fully comprehending the Father Heart of God, etc.
The next morning I was still struggling with the things in my heart I was holding back from God and lo and behold the class that day was all about giving your whole heart to the Lord not just part of it. We were made to write down all the things we felt the Lord was pointing out that we were holding back from him and we laid them at the cross. Gotta love it. I then proceeded to listen to Alyn & A.J. Jones message from emanate on having a heart of stone .
"A heart of stone is a protection mechanism to keep you from pain. But it also keeps God's love out too."
I was challenged so much in realizing areas of my heart that I have closed off and numbed as a defense mechanism. The Lord has just been showing me so much this week! He's giving me vision for the future and what he has called me to. He's showing me areas where I need improvement. He's breaking me over the characteristics of Christ that I don't display on a daily basis or maybe even never. He's healing broken areas in my heart that I have accepted thinking they may never be healed. He's showing me what it means to live in community and what it means to have compassion for those around me.
That's the big one. Not only just trust in him, I find that easy compared to trusting his children around me. He's teaching me to open my heart and share with those around me, not being ruled my fear that they might hurt or abuse my trust. But more maturely realizing that they could hurt me and taking the risk anyway because he has designed us to live in community and to be open. By shutting down my heart and not letting others in I'm actually shutting out the love of the Father as well.
I ended the week with a wonderful weekend out of the city again. This time seeing some of Iceland's beautiful black-sand beaches and to the end point of the great Þjórsárhraun. The greatest lava flow on Earth since the end of the last Ice Age!